Things I’ve Learned in Twenty-Five Years of Marriage – Part 1

A Series on Lessons Learned and Lessons Taught


Est. 1991 – That Went Fast

It is difficult to believe that October will mark my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. I am married to a wonderful woman, who has been my best friend since soon after we met nearly thirty years ago. I can still remember the feeling I had when I asked her to marry me and she said yes. I can remember how nervous I was when I spoke to her mother (her father died when she was a teen) about wanting to marry her. I vividly remember the excited nervousness I had when she walked down the aisle of the church toward me. I remember our honeymoon in Cancun, closing on our first house (a major fixer-upper), the birth of our two children, family vacations, fighting and fussing, highs and lows (we’ve had a good share of both). After a quarter of a century married (I just wanted to say that) I wouldn’t trade any of it for any amount of money.

Why I Am Writing This Series

Doris and I have shared, grown, and learned a lot during our time together. Over the years, we’ve had the opportunity to share bits and pieces of our journey with couples that we have spent time with in premarital counseling. I want to take some time to share some of the nuggets from our journey with you. So I’m going to embark on a journey to write about some of the most important things that I’ve learned during twenty-five years of marriage.

“When we got married we were oblivious to the skills we needed to develop…”

You see, I didn’t know what I didn’t know when I asked Doris to marry me. When we got married we were oblivious to the skills we needed to develop in order to navigate life together. No one told us. No one walked with us. No one counseled us in a significant way. The counsel we received was either one-sided or just totally wrong. As a result of our poor premarital counsel, and the woeful lack of couples who’d share the truth with us and walk alongside us once we were married, we’ve always had a desire to just “keep it real” with men and women about marriage. I tell folk now that stubbornness played a great part in our reaching twenty-five years married. Trust me though, stubbornness wasn’t the only thing.

The Relationship That Changed Everything

Quite a bit has changed about Doris and me over the years. There is one change, however, that made all of the difference in the world to our relationship as husband and wife. When we met in college, we were marginal believers in Christ at best. Now we are both ordained clergy who sold out for Jesus Christ some time ago, and are serving in ministry together. Why do I take the time to mention that? Well, because it is a big deal to us, and because living as disciples of Jesus Christ changed everything about our marriage. The posts in this series are informed by our growing relationship with Christ.

A Series for Everyone

As a husband of twenty-five years, much of what I will share will be directly applicable to husbands. Some of the posts will seem like I am speaking directly to men. Good. That’s who I am, I take my role as a husband seriously, and I want to help other men do the same in any way I am able. That doesn’t mean, however, that wives cannot won’t be able to glean something from the posts. As a pastor, who has counseled dozens of couples both prior to, during, and after marriage, there will be plenty for everyone. So I invite you to not only read, but comment, share, and engage with the posts. I am glad to share what we’ve learned over the years, but be sure that we’re still learning more each day!